A writer’s insecurities

levo league

This morning as I was absentmindedly scrolling though Facebook and sipping on my new favorite tea in an effort to pull myself out of the Monday morning haze, I was greeted with a new article from Levo League. Despite acknowledging the now bordering on cliche title about how someone figured out their twenties, I couldn’t help but think “Twenty-something? That’s me, an article about me, I wonder if this applies to me! Figuring out, I’m figuring things out, maybe this will help me figure things out!” in between more cynical judgments of my own sucker-ism that “These words are an over-used ploy for clicks and ‘figured out’ seems a little presumptuous don’t you think”…I clicked anyways and told cynical Sarah to go back to sleep. Or so I thought.

Because after clicking I found misplaced commas. Misspelled words. Misused tenses. Missing apostrophes completely changing meaning from possessive to plural. More misplaced commas.

It is hardly the standard of quality I’ve come to expect from Levo League, and even though I think the content was pretty good, the fact that it came with one glaring grammar fault after another completely distracted me from that value and shattered all assumed credibility. So I kept judging. I judged her age. I judged her alma mater.

I continued clicking through to her blog, reading a recent post that included a well-written anecdote about her public humiliation from a misspelling due to lifetime struggles with dyslexia…

Oh.

Whoops. I don’t think I’m the only one so quick to judge others, and I’m certainly not free of my own misplaced commas or worse, misspellings (ha…too soon?). It made me think about why I had such a strong reaction of snowballed judging. She seems like a perfectly nice, driven girl with whom, upon further blog investigation, I have an awful lot of shared interests.

And then this thought happened. “Is it because she’s published? Because you’ve wanted to submit writings for almost 2 years and haven’t tried even once? Because…you’re…jealous?”

Well there’s an uncomfortable thought.

So it’s time. I’ve been gathering online publications that accept submissions for so long, it’s time to actually send something to some of them. I’m not sure what this something will be or when, but I’m putting this goal out there so I have to do it. So there it is. On the screen. Being real.

For the record, my morning wake-up efforts didn’t work. I’m practically sleep-walking in heels, which is not an easy feat for someone just a little lacking in coordination. My high school choir teacher always said, as someone tripped up a riser or a fell off the top one for the umpteenth time, “Someday you’ll be graceful.” …Someday is not today, folks.

Different versions of living

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So I was going to write today on how I’ve been such a terrible blogger this last week and completely unmotivated. I simply couldn’t think of anything to write about. And about how having a clean car and a freshly organized closet makes me feel more put together and like an adult. But then I read Sarah’s post.

We write a lot about careers here at Finding Tiffanys so it’s no secret that Sarah and I are very career focused people. I found her article from Forbes “Why we need to take 20-somethings seriously” to be so comforting, albeit very intimidating [and encouraged my continued focus on the age old question, what’s the next step in my career?]. But again, comforting. Here’s why. When I graduated college I had no yearning to explore the world. I wanted to start my career. Although I made a big misstep post college, I was still looking to get on track. The prospect of starting out on a career in advertising was so exciting to me, and it still is. However free spirited friends caused me to have this feeling that something was wrong with me. And that I would wake up one day when I’m 35 (this is the age I assume I’ll have it together by) and regret not living.

But I’ve since learned that this whimsical “living” doesn’t have to have an exact definition.  My version of living might not be the same as yours. There’s nothing wrong with geting a high from working hard in front of a computer 9-5. And that you can’t plan your life or make rules of “I’ll never do…” Life simply doesn’t happen that way. Did I imagine that I would have to live at home working at Starbucks for a few months to restart my career track? Hell to the no. But now I look back at that time as a great experience. One where I met some amazing people, made good friends, got to know my parents again and started drinking my coffee black (one hipster point for me, yeah!).  The stories I hear of people at the ripe of age of 30 who quit their job and started traveling the world instead, sound amazing. And sometimes I think that I wish I had that kind of yearning to explore. But I don’t. At least not right now.

Basically what I am trying to get at is that this article reminded me that no life plan is right for everyone nor will your plan remain static. So when I also read articles like  “How I Became a 21-Year-Old Business Executive,” my instant reaction is to deem myself lazy and undeserving of the position I so dearly want. But then I remind myself to pause and think about it. This girl graduated college early, but hey, I loved college. I mean really loved it. Even now I wouldn’t have given that up to graduate early and to load up on the business courses. I wouldn’t trade that experience, the friendships, or meeting Sam Bradford for anything.

With all that said, I am currently undergoing a panic of “what am I doing next and where am I doing it,” as I enjoy doing every so often. Because by “currently” we’re talking about everyday since I walked across that graduation stage. So I am reminding myself to take a deep breathe. Nothing needs to be laid out or planned. As a person who changed their major like Lindsay Lohan changes rehab clinics, I can say that I’ve made dozens upon dozens of plans for my life. And have stuck to none of them. Yet, here I am. Living in a great apartment, with a boyfriend I love, a dog who has the face to get away with anything and a career that I look forward to building (oh, and did I mention the clean car and organized closet?). All you can do is work your ass off, impress your coworkers and keep striving for better. To me, this is livingAt least until I change my mind that is. 😉